Saying That
by breatheactsing123
Summary: A multichapter about illness. Set in season five. Review to let me know if I should continue!
1. Chapter 1

Most Saturday mornings, Jim woke up to the scent of bacon and coffee wafting through the apartment he shared with Pam, but not this Saturday. She'd barely left the bed since Wednesday due to some sort of killer migraine, and he was starting to get concerned. Pam had insisted she didn't need a doctor, but she would insist that from her deathbed. Knowing this, Jim had scheduled a doctor's appointment earlier in the week. He just hadn't told her yet.

"How're you feeling, babe?" Jim asked, brushing his teeth. Pam only moaned in response. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Come on, get up, we're going to the doctor," Jim said, hoping that if he didn't say it like it was a big deal, she wouldn't overreact.

"Jim," She groaned, only able to sit up for a second before collapsing back onto the bed.

"Come on, Beesly, the appointment's already made," Jim told her, sitting on the edge of the bed. She was going to the doctor, this wasn't up for discussion. He went to their dresser and pulled out an outfit for her, tossing it onto the bed.

"These don't match," she told him, the sickness in her voice making everything sound like a whine. Or maybe she was just whining. Jim tossed her a different pair of pants.

"Do you want breakfast?" He asked.

"No," she shook her head as she peeled her pajama bottoms off.

"Have you been eating all week while I've been gone?"

"Jim, I've been sick." Pam pointed out, not wanting to have the discussion she knew was coming.

"Pam, you've got to eat-"

"To keep my strength up." Pam finished his sentence with a hint of mocking in her tone. She always lost her appetite when ill, and this wasn't the first time she'd received that lecture from Jim.

"You finish getting ready, I'll make breakfast." He offered.

"I'm not hungry!" she called after him as he shut the door, but she knew it was worthless. The lengths Jim would go to to make her feel better when she was sick were seemingly endless. She let the cool water of the shower rinse the sweat and germs off of her before changing into the clothes Jim had selected. By the time she met him in the kitchen, there wasn't enough time for her to eat breakfast, and she smirked to herself. Maybe she was going to have to go to the doctors, but she wasn't going to upset her stomach on the way there. They got in just as the nurse called Pam's name and led them to their examination room. Jim held Pam's hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of her palm.

"I wish the lights in here weren't so bright." She said.

"Sorry babe. Hopefully we'll be out quick."

The male doctor on call then came in, recognizing Pam as the patient.

"So, just a bad migraine, huh?" He asked.

"Yeah," they both answered.

"How long?" He asked.

"Since Wednesday."

"Hm... Any other symptoms?"

"Fever and loss of appetite," Jim answered for Pam.

"Any blood in your urine?"

"Well, I assumed it was my period, but yes." Pam said. She was on the pill, but had still dismissed it.

"Well, we'll take a urine sample and an MRI and then we'll go from there. May I feel your abdomen?"

Pam knew that the doctor was only asking for medical reasons, and braced herself for the doctor's touch, but Jim had other plans.

"Maybe just the urine sample and the MRI will be enough," he said, moving to stand in front of Pam.

"But maybe it won't." The doctor said. "Please, this will only take a moment."

Although begrudgingly, Jim stepped aside, and the examination was brief, as promised. Jim Halpert wasn't a very good poker player, but he could tell when someone was hiding something, and this doctor had something brewing behind his eyes. When Pam left the room for her urinalysis, he stopped the doctor.

"So, what does it look like?" Jim asked casually, not wanting to let on how nervous he was.

"Time will tell, Mr. Halpert."

Jim bit his lip. "Listen, Pam is my fiance, and if there's something wrong, I need to know."

"You'll know just as soon as we know, Mr. Halpert." the doctor said before leaving the room to prep the MRI.

Jim rolled his eyes, angry and dissatisfied with the evasive answers. And why did the doctor insist on calling him "Mr. Halpert?" Before he could stew anymore, Pam walked back into the room.

"Hey, sweetheart. How're you feeling?" Jim asked gently, uncrossing his legs and inviting Pam to perch herself in his lap.

"Better," she answered, wrapping her arms around Jim and embracing him, hiding her face in his chest, her body language clearly displaying her discomfort.

"I know, sweetheart. We'll be in and out quick."

"You don't know that," she pointed out, though it was more in jest than bitterness.

"You're right, I don't. I was just saying it to make you feel better."

Smiling a bit, she kissed his lips sleepily. Jim smiled as well. When they hadn't known what was making Pam ill, they'd refrained from getting too close to each other, neither party wanting Jim infected as well. The doctor hadn't said anything about a virus, so Pam decided the coast was clear. Jim was too busy kissing her to disagree. They broke apart just in time for a nurse to come to lead them to Pam's MRI room. Jim held her hand as long as he could, and they were both physically pained when he couldn't go any further, but the exam was quick, and they were now left waiting for the results. Jim was more anxious than Pam, though Pam expected this. He could be shot and he'd still ask if she was okay first. She had to place her hand on his leg to keep it from shaking.

"Jim, calm down. They're going to give me a prescription for some antibiotics and I'm going to be fine in three days."

"You don't know that." Jim said, his head in his hands.

"You're right, I don't. I was just saying it to make you feel better. She said cheekily, quoting him from earlier. Jim smirked.

"It shouldn't be allowed to be this cute when you're sick."

"Well I'm glad my personality is making up for my appearance."

"Oh, shush, you."

"I didn't even put on makeup."

"Well, you're sick."

"But still."

" ?" The doctor called. Once spotting them, he opened his door. "Come have a seat in my office."


	2. Chapter 2

Jim already didn't like this. He squeezed Pam's hand as they sat in the leather chairs, not daring to look at her for fear that he'd break.

"Well, I'd like the two of you to know that Ms. Beesly has a cancer with a very high remission rate."

Now he had to look at her. She was white as a sheet from the shock, but not crying. He squeezed her hand tighter. If she wasn't going to break, neither would he.

"She has kidney cancer, and we saw her soon enough that it hasn't yet metastasized to any of her blood or other organs."

"What exactly is the remission rate?" Pam asked, her voice stolid.

"79 percent." He answered.

Pam looked at Jim, and he knew exactly what she was thinking, because he was thinking it too.

"_There's a 21% chance that we aren't going to grow old together."_

Jim shook his head slightly, as if to say "Don't think like that," and then turned back to the doctor. The doctor would make everything better.

"There's a packet outlining the different treatment options here," the doctor explained, handing them a manilla folder. "Go home, look them over, call whomever you need to call, and we'll meet tomorrow afternoon to talk treatment. You're in good hands, Ms. Beesly."

"Thank you, doctor." Jim said, knowing Pam was too overwhelmed to get any words out.

He helped Pam up and they walked to the car in silence, each wrapped in their own thoughts, though they were physically wrapped in each other's arms, Pam's on Jim's back, and Jim's around Pam's waist. As soon as they got into the car, Jim looked over at her.

"Pam, baby, please say something. You're going to be fine."

"You don't know that. You're just saying that to make me feel better." There was no joke in her tone this time.

"No, Pam. I do know that. For one, statistics are on our side. You're in your prime, Pam, you're 26 years old. You can fight this, I know you can."

"But Jim, what if-"

"Pam, sweetheart, we could play "What if" all day. Don't do that to yourself. Let's go home, call your parents, and then look through the treatment options. Everything's going to be alright." Jim so badly wanted to believe what he was saying.

Pam looked at Jim for a moment, and then suddenly leaned forward to kiss his face long and hard. She clung to him like a child in a storm.

"Shh, babe, it's okay," Jim whispered, stroking her back. He felt a few warm tears on his sweater and kissed the crown of her head, letting a few tears spill over himself. After a few moments, he pulled away to look into Pam's eyes. "You ready to go home?" he asked, blinking the tears out of his eyes so he'd be able to see the road. She nodded.

Jim held her hand the whole ride home, and she squeezed it the same way she used to squeeze her father's hand when she had to get a flu shot. The second the two got out of the car they were in each other's arms.

"I'm sorry I didn't do this in the doctor's office," Jim whispered into her lilac-scented locks.

"Me too," she agreed. They stayed in their driveway embracing, neither wanting to be the first to let go. Pam knew the neighbors were probably wondering why that crazy young couple who just moved in were sitting in their driveway hugging, but how could she be expected to let go? How could she calmly proceed into her home like she did any other day after the news she just received? How could life go on as normal? While she was in the middle of this thought process, Jim picked her up wordlessly, bringing them both into the house and sitting on the couch, Pam in Jim's lap. They sat for a few moments before anyone said anything.

"Do you want to call your parents first, or do you want to look through the treatments first?"

"Let's call my parents. I want to talk to my parents," Pam said quietly.

"Okay, sweetheart," Jim said, rubbing her back as she sat up. Pam pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed her mother's number.

"Hey sweetheart, how are you?" Helene answered the phone.

"_Dying,"_ Pam thought. "Momma? Can we talk for a minute, or are you busy?"

"Baby, are you okay? Why do you sound like you've been crying?"

"Did that Halpert kid leave you? Never liked him. You could do better." Pam's father chimed in. Apparently she'd been on speaker.

"Right here, Mr. Beesly." Jim said gruffly.

"Didn't mean that." He said.

"Pam, baby, what's wrong?" Helene asked again.

"Momma, I have cancer." Pam admitted, somehow holding back the sobs that Jim could see waiting to burst from her lungs.

"Pam, baby, what do you mean? That's not funny."

"Mrs. Beesly, Pam has a highly curable cancer, and a 79% chance of remission. We only just found out today." Jim spoke for Pam, as he could tell she wouldn't be able to get any words out anymore, though he struggled himself.

"Oh, my word." Mrs. Beesly said, but like Pam, she would put up a strong front for as long as possible. "Sweetheart, you're going to make it through this. The odds are stacked in our favor. Your father and I will be there as soon as possible, okay?"

"Okay," Pam managed to get out.

"You and Jim need to talk about how you're going to get better, and your father and I need to figure out how to get to you. I love you, alright?"

"I love you too, Mom."

"I love you babygirl," said.

"Love you, daddy."

She hung up the phone and collapsed into Jim's chest, taking deep, sobbing breaths, though she wasn't crying.

"I know, love. I know." Jim said, allowing her to cry and stroking her back. Once she calmed down, Jim pulled the packet of treatment options out of the manilla folder. The plethora of treatments seemed intimidating, but eventually, through a lot of tears, the couple decided that the best way to remove the cancer was to remove the kidney entirely. It was only five when they'd made their decision, but they both promptly fell asleep on the couch, the events of the day having thoroughly exhausted them.


	3. Chapter 3

Pam stirred in the middle of the night, her thrashing waking Jim, who was still asleep beneath her on the couch.

"Come on, Beesly." Jim said tiredly, thinking she just wanted to get up and head to their bedroom. Once she began to shake, it became clear to Jim that this was more serious than he'd thought. "Pam, Pam. Sweetheart, wake up." Jim said, squeezing the sides of Pam's arms gently.

She woke up with a gasp, the first thing she saw being Jim's hazel eyes, their tired glaze juxtaposing the fear in hers. She relaxed her muscles, falling back into Jim, who wrapped his arms around his now crying fiance, his eyes adopting the glint of fear for her. He didn't have to ask what the nightmare was about, and worst of all, she woke up to find it real.

"Shh, Pam. It was just a dream. You're fine."

"No it wasn't! If it was a dream, I wouldn't be sick when I woke up!" She lashed out, not even able to say "cancer" due to fear.

"Pam." Jim said firmly. "This is hard for me, too."

"Really? Because the last time I checked, your life wasn't in danger!" Pam said, more angry now.

"Maybe not, but do you think I want to spend a single day on this Earth if you're not here too?" Jim asked, raising his voice, though he hadn't intended to.

Pam realized now that she hadn't considered that Jim was struggling with her illness just as much as she was.

"Jim," She said softly, placing a hand lightly on his cheek. "We'll make it through this."

Jim smiled. Finally, finally, Pam had given some sort of acknowledgement to fighting this.

"There's my girl. Pam Beesly don't stop for no damn kidney cancer." Jim responded.

"You're such a dork," Pam giggled.

"Hey, you're the one that fell in love with me."

"How lucky am I," Pam noticed, kissing him lightly. "Get back to sleep, dork."

"Let's." Jim said, standing up and carrying them both to the bedroom.

* * *

The next morning, Jim woke up with Pam curled into his chest, her chin resting on his shoulder. He smiled. Things were normal, at least for right now. Things would be back to normal soon. Pam stirred, opening her eyes halfway to talk to Jim.

"D'you want breakfast?" She asked groggily.

Jim chuckled. He knew Pam, and when things went wrong for Pam, she liked to keep things as normal as possible. Cooking breakfast was a coping mechanism. "Sure," he responded, kissing her nose briefly. She started to roll out of bed, but he stopped her.

"What?" she asked, a little exasperated, but smiling.

"Don't go yet," he asked, reaching his arms out to her like a child wanting to be picked up by his mother.

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm just making breakfast," She chastised, though he could tell she didn't really mean it.

He threw his arms around her waist and pulled her into his chest, her rear to his front, and he moved his head to whisper into her ear.

"Breakfast can wait."

"I guess so," she smirked.

And for a few seconds, Pam had forgotten that after breakfast, she would shower and get dressed to go to the hospital. For a moment, Pam forgot that she had cancer. But just as quick as the knowledge was gone, it flitted back into her mind, and Jim felt her body physically crumple with the gravity of this knowledge hitting her full-force.

"Pam, what's wrong?" Jim asked, concerned.

"Nothing, nothing." She insisted, wriggling her way out of his grasp. "I just… really need to make breakfast," she said, swinging the bedroom door shut as she went to the kitchen.

Jim rolled out of bed quickly, going after her. "Come on, Pam. Don't do this!" Jim begged as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Do what? You're the one who wanted breakfast," Pam said, trying to act innocent, but the hint of fear in her tone was giving her away.

"You know what, Beesly. Please don't shut me out like this."

"Jim, I don't know what you're talking about. Can you just throw some bacon in a pan please?" She asked as she stirred the pancake batter furiously.

"Yes you do, Pam! Please don't change the subject. Talk to me!"

"There's nothing to talk about." Pam said more quietly.

"I'm scared, too, you know."

Pam dropped the whisk into the bowl. She was so scared that she kept forgetting that she had Jim to go through this with her. Pam nodded.

"It's scary stuff," she agreed. "I'm sorry I keep doing this to you."

"You've got to remember that when I proposed, I meant that I was in it for the long haul, Beesly."

"It's not that I didn't think you were, I just don't think either of us were expecting _this_ in the long haul."

"Well, in sickness and in health, right?"

"Touche, but we aren't married yet either."

"We're as good as married." Jim shrugged.

Pam smiled to herself. He was a keeper. For better or for worse.


	4. Chapter 4

Just as Jim and Pam finished breakfast, Bill and Helene Beesley arrived, just stopping in to say hello before checking into their hotel room. Jim had talked with Bill and Helene, and they all decided that it would be best if Jim took her to the hospital without them. Bill and Helene had been fighting, and the stress was too much for Pam in this state.

"Pam, sweetheart, did you pack a bag, or do you want me to?" Jim asked. She'd likely have to stay in the hospital for a while after her surgery, and though Pam had insisted she didn't need him to, Jim had packed a bag for himself the night before. He was not leaving his fiance in a hospital.

"Um… I can take care of it," She answered softly, knowing that packing the bag would make the trip all too real.

"You sure? I can handle it."

"So can I," she said, bravely pasting a smile on her face before kissing Jim's temple and retreating to their bedroom. When the first drop of water rolled from her eye and on to a t-shirt she was putting into her duffel, she pulled herself away from the packing, going back to the kitchen, where Jim was sitting, immersed in paperwork.

"You alright, Beesly?" Jim asked, seeing the redness in her eyes.

"Maybe I can't handle it as well as I thought I could."

"Hey, hey, hey. That's okay." Jim said, moving to wrap his arms around the woman who needed him most, the woman he loved most of all. "Why don't you have a cup of tea and I'll finish packing." Jim kissed the crown of his fiance's head. "Does that sound okay?" Jim asked.

"Um.. no." Pam shook her head, wrapping her arms around Jim's back. "I think I just want to stay like this for a little bit," she sniffled.

Jim took a deep breath. "Absolutely," he let out a small smile, wrapping his arms around her.

After a moment, she broke the hug. "I'm going to make tea now. D'you want a cup?"

"Sure," he told her, kissing her again before moving to finish her packing. He wasn't much of a tea drinker, but he knew it would make Pam feel better to do something for him. He shed a few tears of his own while packing Pam's bag, not daring to dwell on the thoughts that crossed through his mind as he put each item in the duffle. After taking a minute to wash his face and regain himself in their bathroom, he brought the packed bags out to the kitchen, where Pam slid him a mug of vanilla tea.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"Thank _you," _he smiled, taking the tea and leaning over the counter to kiss her temple. They sipped at their mugs in silence, checking the clocks every few seconds until it was time to go. As if on cue, both Jim and Pam inhaled deeply.

"You ready, Bees?" Jim asked, looking intently at Pam.

"You're going to be with me, right?"

"Of course," Jim said, shocked that she would even fathom that he would leave her like this.

"Then I'm ready for anything." She said, squeezing his hand before they exited the apartment.

* * *

Once Pam and Jim were checked in at the hospital, it seemed like everything was just an extremely stressful version of the waiting game. A version of the waiting game where the stakes were life or death. Jim squeezed Pam's hand as she lay in a hospital bed and he sat next to her in a chair. For a while, neither of them spoke.

"Do you know how long the surgery's going to take?" Pam asked out of the blue.

"No, but I promise to be there once you wake up."

"Jim, you don't really have to stay. I could be out for hours."

"You think I'd be able to do anything anywhere else? Pam, there's nowhere I'd rather be than by your side, always."

Pam squeezed Jim's hand again and they were quiet for a few moments before a nurse walked in, preparing to wheel Pam out.

"Okay, , there's nothing to worry about. This is a routine operation and you should be out by this time next week at the latest."

Jim looked at Pam reassuringly, but neither of them was particularly convinced. They both wanted to believe it, but they couldn't yet. Jim continued to hold Pam's hand as they sat outside the operating room, anesthesiologists and nurses poking at her with various needles.

"Alright, , I'm going to put in the general anesthesia now."

She sat up quickly, trying to keep the fear out of her eyes as she looked at Jim.

"I love you, Jim. I love you so, so much." She told him, extending her arms to lay her hands on his cheeks.

"Hey, don't do that, Pam. I love you too much to let you do that." Jim said nervously, standing to look at her better. "_Don't give up on me!" _he wanted to scream.

"I love you," She said again.

He leaned in close to kiss her, still holding her hand. "I love you, too. I'll see you soon." Her hand went limp in his, and Jim felt a paralyzing chill pass through him before he remembered that this was just the anesthesia. He stood up. preparing to walk into the operating room as Pam was rolled in, but was promptly stopped by a student nurse.

"Sir, you can't go through here."

"But that's my fiance," Jim pleaded.

"I'm sorry sir, but you aren't necessary medical personnel. We can't crowd the surgeon. She's in good hands."

"What am I supposed to do then?" Jim asked, trying not to project his emotions on the nurse.

"We'll call you when the surgery is over." She told him. "It will be a couple hours."

Sighing, Jim walked out of the hospital, willing the minutes to pass faster until the phone rang.


	5. Chapter 5

After walking around the hospital for a bit, Jim ended up planting himself on a bench in a secluded corridor, sitting with his arms around his neck and his head between his knees, his legs shaking more than he'd care to admit. He knew it was dumb to just sit and wait, and he was driving himself crazy, but he highly doubted that going home would make it any better. He noticed that his mouth and throat were dry, and ambled around in pursuit of a vending machine, not really paying attention to where his lanky legs were taking him. As he turned a corner, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Sighing, he pulled his blackberry out and stared at the screen, blinking a few times to get his eyes to focus. He didn't recognize the number, but saw a Scranton area code, so he picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He said, the strain of the last few days evident in his voice.

"Is this James Halpert?" An unfamiliar female voice asked.

"Yes ma'am," He answered, confused.

"This is Nurse Christine from the Scranton Emergency Medical Care Operations Office. You're the emergency contact for Pamela Beesly, correct?"

"Yes," Jim asked, more urgent now.

"Sir, there's been a complication. How soon can you get here?"

"I'm still in the hospital," Jim said, booking it to the OR. The nurse, apparently, could hear this from her end.

"Okay, Sir. I'm going to ask you to calm down. I understand your elevated stress level, but the best thing you can do at this moment is remain calm."

Jim approached the nurses station, and saw the name tag that read "Christine." He nearly crashed into the wooden desk.

"I'm Jim Halpert," he said to the nurse, his phone now in his pocket.

"Okay, sir. The first thing I'm going to ask is that you take a few deep breaths, okay?" She asked in a voice that was far too calm. Jim complied, however. There was no use in arguing, and he needed to get to Pam. "Great," she smiled, as if she was coaching him. "Now, why don't you come with me and we'll talk somewhere more private." She instructed, cueing him to follow her.

"_But when do I get to see Pam?" _Jim wanted to yell. She needed him and he needed her, so why was he here? He followed the nurse into an empty office, letting her shut the door behind him.

"Alright, Mr. Halpert, you can take a seat." She said, motioning to a chair. He acquiesced. "The good news is, the kidney is out," The nurse began on a positive note, but Jim couldn't be bothered with that, not until Pam was 100% better. "However, as the doctors extracted the kidney, Pam began to bleed internally."

"So what does that mean?" Jim interjected.

"It means that blood isn't going where it should be going, and that there's blood in places where there shouldn't be. They're patching her up now, but we're not sure what's going on, and we won't know how she's going to fare until we figure that out."

"_How she's going to fare," _stuck out in Jim's mind. He knew it was just a fancy phrase for "whether she'll live or die," and he detested her for using it. "So that's it? We just don't know?" Jim asked, angry. They realized they were dealing with the life of his true love, right?

"We're working on it. Soon." The nurse answered, understanding his situation but wishing he could understand the difficult position she was in.

"_You don't know that." _Jim thought. "_You're just saying that to make me feel better." _And it sure as hell wasn't working.

"As soon as you're able to see her, we'll let you know. I'll give you some time," Christine said, then flitting out of the room. Pam's wasn't the only life that needed to be saved.

Jim sat in the chair still, his mind racing. He was too shocked to move, and didn't know what to do as it were. Should he call Pam's parents? Her condition was pretty ambiguous at the moment, should he worry them over something that could get better? He might have let his mind run like this for an hour when a nurse reentered.

"We're prepping an OR for emergency surgery. is still under anesthetic, but would you like to sit with her?" The nurse asked, the look in her eyes saying "_This might be your last chance." _

Jim nodded, standing up and following the nurse to a hospital room, where Pam lay connected to a labyrinth of wires, the beeping of the machines adding to the anschluss of noise coming from inside his own head. He rushed to her, gently grabbing her limp hand and stroking small circles over the back of his palm with her thumb. He knew she couldn't hear her, but he whispered in her ear anyway.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He said, suddenly regretting all the moments he could've said this, but didn't. He kissed her forehead. "My life started the moment that I met you," he whispered, realizing it now for the first time. Each word tumbled off his lips as quickly as it rushed to his brain. "Every moment since the first we spent together has been nothing short of wonderful. I love you. I love you. I will always, have always loved you." Before he could continue, Pam's bed was wheeled away, leaving him in the empty hospital room. He sat in a lounge chair, lost in thought. He could only wait, but what was he waiting for?


	6. Chapter 6

Much to the chagrin of many nurses, Jim Halpert would stay in the hospital until his Pam was safe. He refused to consider an alternative. After hours of pacing and jittering, a nurse approached him.

"Mr. Halpert? is awake. Would you like to go see her?"

Jim almost laughed. He'd been sitting in this hospital all day, of course he wanted to see her. He followed the nurse and she swung a door open, revealing his Pam, looking tired and weak, but otherwise unharmed. She turned her head towards the sound of the door and instantly her face brightened.

"Hey, you." She smiled weakly.

"Hey," he responded breathlessly, moving to kiss her, long but gentle. "How're you feeling?" He asked, sitting down in a chair near her bed and lacing his fingers in her own.

"Worse than I expected," she said with a small, almost dark, giggle.

"Yeah, well, that's probably because of the complication. You started internally bleeding as soon as they got the kidney out. Gosh, nothing's easy with you, huh, Beesly?"

"Hey, I didn't decide to internally bleed, I was unconscious!" She laughed.

"Yeah, well, next time you need medical care, we're going to Boston, all the top hospitals are there."

"Are you planning on doing this again?" Pam teased.

"Hell no."

"And besides, Boston is like, 5 hours away from here."

"Yeah, but it's also the best care in the country. If I had been in a more complete state of mind, I'd probably have driven you down there to have this done. You might not have had a complication there."

Pam could tell that Jim was beating himself up over this, and she didn't like it. She squeezed his hand. "What's done is done," she whispered softly.

"I almost lost you," he whispered even softer, staring at the tiles of the hospital floor. "You scared me, Pam. I almost lost you."

"Hey, hey, look at me." Pam said, now more concerned. "I'm right here. Babe, you couldn't lose me if you tried. You're stuck with me." She joked, flashing a small smile.

Jim let out a sigh of relief, feeling the stress of the past few days wash away slowly. "I should call your parents," he said.

"I'm too tired to have them come here right now. They'd bicker and I'm not prepared to handle that in this state," Pam said, half pleading.

"I'll tell them you're sleeping, but I should call them and let them know you're out of surgery and doing okay," Jim compromised, stepping out of the room to make the phone call. When he returned, Pam out like a light. He stayed and held her hand for a while, but the icy looks from nurses who had been dealing with Pam, and, therefore, him, told him that it was time to get home. Try as he may, sleep without Pam was fitful at best. He kept reaching out to pull her warm body closer to him, but found only the cool sheets in his grasp. At 5 AM, he finally decided to stop pretending his mind would let him rest, and instead trudged into the shower, letting the steam and warmth relax him more than his "rest" had. Even though he took a much longer shower than usual, only half an hour passed. "_Only two and a half hours until visiting time begins," _he attempted to console himself. Suddenly remembering that he had left Pam's phone on the nightstand in the hospital, he unplugged his own.

"_Good morning, my love. Text me when you're awake. I'll be there as soon as visiting hours start. I love you." _He text her. Normally, he didn't call Pam "my love," or names of that sort, but coming close to losing her the way he had had made him appreciate more the opportunities to call her sweet nicknames and tell her he loved her. After sending the text, he saw that he had an unread message from Pam's mother.

"Let us know how she's doing when you go in today," it read. "Hoping to come visit around 3." Making a mental note to prepare Pam and let them know, he moved to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee, letting both the smell and the caffeine help to wake him up. As he headed back to his bedroom, his phone let out the ringtone he used specifically for Pam, and he checked it hurriedly.

"_Morning babe. Miss you. I love you too." _

"_Be there soon. Do you want me to bring you breakfast?" _He responded, continuing towards the bedroom. He tossed his phone on the bed and pulled a few things out of his drawers, nearly lunging at the phone when it went off again.

"_Too nauseous to eat anything. Can you bring my nook?" _ Jim chuckled. After she filled an entire bookshelf in a few months, Jim insisted that she get an E-Reader, and she had loved her nook ever since.

"_Absolutely." _he textedback, finishing up getting dressed and going back to the kitchen to make a small breakfast. It was already seven, and soon he'd leave to get to the hospital. Though the next half hour passed at an agonizingly slow pace, it passed, and Jim got into the car to drive to the hospital, the ride passing in an anxious, excited blur. He signed in at the nurse's station and proceeded to Pam's room, swinging open the door slowly in case she had fallen back asleep. She hadn't, and her face lit up like a lightbulb when she saw him.

"Jim!" She exclaimed.

"Alright Beesly, calm down. You just saw me yesterday." He teased. She knew he was just as excited to see her.

"Oh, I'm not excited to see you at all. I'm just excited for my Nook." She bantered back. He handed it to her, and she thanked him, placing it on her bedside table.

"How're you feeling?" Jim asked, sitting in a chair by her bed.

"Still weak, but better. The doctor said I'm recovering really well. If I keep making progress like this I might get to go home tomorrow."

"Pam, that's great!" Jim said excitedly, standing to kiss her.

"They just have to make sure my body operates fine with one kidney, and make sure I'm strong enough to eat and walk on my own."

"What did I tell you? Pam Beesly doesn't stop for no damn kidney cancer. Oh! I almost forgot. Your parents are going to swing by around 3."

"Both of them? Together?"

"Yeah…" Jim answered hesitantly.

Pam scoffed. "Well, this'll be good. They can hardly be in the same building, let alone the same room."

"Maybe they're doing better," Jim said hopefully, though he knew it was in vain.

"They're not." She said tersely.

"Hey, don't worry about them right now. You've got enough on your plate, don't you think?"

She sighed, still a little upset, but smiled at her fiance. "Thanks."

"Just doing my job."


	7. Chapter 7

A little while later, a nurse wheeled in Pam's breakfast, uncovering the dish of eggs, toast and orange juice. Jim watched Pam's face turn up in disgust and struggled not to laugh at her ridiculous expression.

"Ugh, I'm way too nauseous to eat this." Pam said, pushing the tray away as soon as the nurse left the room."

"C'mon, Beesly. Try the toast at least." Jim encouraged. "It'll help your stomach, and it'll help you come home."

"Why do you have to be right?" She whined, pulling apart the toast and eating it slowly. Just as predicted, the toast made her feel better, and she managed to keep half of the eggs down as well.

"Babe, that was great." Jim praised after the nurse took the tray away.

"Okay, Halpert." She said, less impressed. "I don't know that completing such a normal human function deserves this amount of praise."

"Well, I'm going to give it anyway," He smiled smugly. He saw where Pam was coming from, but insisted on being as positive as possible while she recovered.

"Dwight called my cellphone today." Pam mentioned as they not-so-intently watched The View.

"Ugh, I'm sorry babe. I told Michael we were both taking a leave of absence."

"I know, he wanted to know if you had taken me hostage."

"He did _not," _Jim smirked.

Pam just nodded. "I told him that you had, but I couldn't tell him where. I said that you hid the location somewhere in his desk."

"Beesly!" Jim praised, in awe at her spur-of-the-moment pranking ability. "Oh my God, he is _totally _tearing his desk apart right now looking for it."

"Jim, he literally tore his desk apart. Kelly sent me a picture." Pam said, handing her phone to him to show him the picture of the mass of wooden pieces that used to be Dwight's desk.

"Wow. That is a thing of beauty. You win all office prank wars ever. I think I should probably retire." Jim said, handing her back the phone.

"If you stop pulling pranks at the office I will _have _to quit." Pam said, half joking, half serious.

"And if you quit, I'll have to quit." Jim said, feigning considering this.

"And if we both quit we will have no money for these hospital bills or our wedding." Pam concluded.

"I guess it's a little early to retire."

"That's what I like to hear."

"I can't believe Dwight thinks I would take you captive but then let you keep your cell phone. He has absolutely no faith in me as a kidnapper." Jim teased.

"I know! That's actually the first thing I thought when I met you. I was like "This guy definitely knows how to kidnap a lady. I should be careful." She laughed.

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me." He said, wiping at a pretend tear.

"I am seriously lacking as a fiance if that is the nicest thing I've ever said to you."

"Nah. Best fiancé I could've asked for. Only fiancé I've ever wanted." Jim said offhandedly, turning back to the TV.

"You're such a sap," she teased.

"You love it," he smirked at her.

She leaned forward slightly, and Jim met her the rest of the way for a kiss. They passed the rest of the day just killing time, but around four Pam turned to Jim.

"Weren't my parents supposed to get here an hour ago?" She asked, concerned.

"I guess so." Jim said, noticing the clock for the first time. He picked his phone up off the tray that held Pam's lunch remains, and the screen lit up as he looked for messages from Mrs. Beesly.

"_We won't be visiting her together. Will try to come tomorrow, separately." _

Jim bit his lip and shut his eyes, trying to hide his disappointment from Pam. She didn't need that right now. God, they were being so unfair to her.

"Something came up. They'll be here tomorrow."

"Well, hopefully I won't be." Pam noted.

"Yeah," Jim said, lost in his thoughts.

"Okay, what's really going on?" Pam asked.

"What?" Jim said, only a little bit surprised at how easily she could read him.

"You've been cheering me on like there's no tomorrow-"

"_Because there almost wasn't,"_ Jim thought.

"And then I mention going home and there's no reaction? Come on, Jim. What are you thinking about?"

"It's nothing, really. I'm just tired. It's been a crazy couple of days."

"True enough." Pam said. That wasn't it, and she knew that, but she wouldn't force Jim to talk, either. She knew he had her best interest in mind. "It'll all be back to normal soon."

"We'll be back to normal soon." Jim said, knowing that even though they'd make it through this, her parents might not.

"By this time tomorrow, we could be eating Chinese food on the couch and making fun of reality TV." Pam said, missing one of their pastimes.

"Sounds perfect." He smiled, looking over at her.

"And then you'll go back to work-" Pam continued.

"Wait, what?" Jim interrupted.

"Jim, you should really go back to work soon. I would love to spend all of this recovery time with you, but we have bills to pay, and a wedding coming up, and then this hospital stay-"

"Pam, you expect me to just leave you at the house all day? What if something happens?"

"Jim, I know how to use a phone. The risk of complication is minimal, anyways. Nothing's going to go wrong once we leave. But if you don't go back to work, neither of us will be making money, and we aren't exactly rolling in it."

Jim hated it, but Pam was right. "Promise me you'll call if anything seems like it might be going even just a little bit wrong." Jim requested, but Pam knew it was non-optional.

"Of course." Pam said. "Jim, everything is going to be fine. The sooner we start acting normal, the sooner things will feel normal again."

"Work's going to suck without you."

"Oh, and I'm going to be so enthralled with these "Days of Our Lives" reruns." She teased. "But I'll be back in no time. In the meantime, I expect a complete transcript of every prank pulled on Dwight while I'm gone."

"Well that was just a given." They both laughed, and the companionable silence seemed to transcend their scenario.


	8. Chapter 8

Jim arrived at the hospital the next morning with a renewed sense of hope. "_This could be the day she comes home," _he thought to himself throughout the morning, nearly smiling to himself during the car ride to the hospital. When he arrived at the hospital, Pam was tiredly shoveling fruit loops into her mouth.

"Morning, Pretty." He greeted her, kissing her forehead before sitting down.

"Yeah, okay Halpert. I haven't showered in like, three days."

"I did give you that sponge bath," Jim smirked, looking over at her suggestively.

"And as wonderful as that was, I still haven't been able to wash my hair since before the surgery."

"Soon," he consoled her.

"Tonight," she smiled up at him optimistically.

"Maybe tonight." he said. "Don't push yourself too hard just because you want out of here. I want you home more than words can say, but not at the expense of your health." He would be disappointed as hell if she couldn't come home tonight but knew that Pam's health was the most important thing right now. "And if you don't come home tonight, I promise to bring Chinese food here and we can still make fun of American Idol together."

"I guess I can accept that." Pam smiled.

"It's for your own good, Beesly."

"I know, I know." she assured him. "I just miss our bed, and our leaky faucet and our annoying neighbors."

"I promise they will all be there when you get back."

"Okay, well, maybe I could do without the annoying neighbors."

Jim chuckled, reaching for the remote and flipping through the limited weekday morning television programs. After a while, Pam turned to Jim.

"Hey, my parents are coming in today, right?"

"Yeah, they should be." Jim answered, not looking away from the TV. He hadn't yet told her that her parents intended on coming in separately. He didn't know how. He didn't want to stress her out, but was definitely lying by omission, and felt terrible about it. He hoped that her parents might be able to resolve their differences in order to support their daughter, though he knew they probably wouldn't. As if on cue, Mrs. Beesly slowly opened the door, looking to see how Pam was doing.

"Mom!" Pam said excitedly. Jim had done a lot and Pam was very thankful to have him with her, but sometimes, a girl just needs her momma, and Pam was no exception.

"Hey, sweetheart." Pam's mother said, rushing towards her.

"I'll give you two some girl time," Jim said, giving them a quick wave before exiting the room.

He meandered around the hospital with intentions of finding a coffee, but the task proved to be more difficult than expected. Once he managed to get to the cafeteria, he was growing anxious about leaving Pam with her mom. By now she had certainly realized that her mother was there without her father. He still felt guilty for lying by omission, even though, for all he knew, she could've been fine with the fact that her parents came to see her separately. He arrived back at the room to find mrs. Beesly just leaving. He waved a quick goodbye before returning to his fiance's room. Pam sat on the bed, not crying, but visibly upset.

"Why didn't you tell me my parents were separating?"

"Woah, wait, what?" Jim said, taking long strides to be next to her.

"Don't act like you don't know!" Pam huffed, turning over so that her back was to him.

"Pam, babe, I swear I didn't." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"She said she texted you and told you." Pam responded, her voice muffled.

"Oh my God, _that's _what she meant? Pam, she said she and your father were coming to see you separately. She didn't say they'd separated entirely. Or maybe I just read it wrong." Jim said, taking out the phone and showing her the text.

"That's not what she made it sound like, but you're right. That would've been easy to misinterpret." Pam said, calming down now.

"And I should've told you what your mom told me anyways. I'm sorry, I just didn't want to have to break that too you, especially when you were doing so well."

"I don't blame you for it." Pam said, having now turned to face him again. Without missing a beat, an overenthusiastic nurse burst into the room with a walker.

"Good morning Pamela!" She greeted. "You ready to try and walk?"

"I think maybe a little later, she's not emotionally-" Jim tried to interject, but Pam cut him off.

"No, Jim. I can do this." Pam said, determined.

"Pam, don't over do it. You're exhausted and stressed, don't push yourself because you're trying to get out of here as soon as possible."

Jim had made it pretty clear that Pam shouldn't try walking, but she didn't care.

"Well, I'm doing it, so you can help me out of bed, or I can trip myself over these wires. You pick."

The nurse wasn't sure how to react to the couple, but decided to just do her job, and her job was to help the patient. She brought Pam the walker as Jim begrudgingly assisted her in getting out of bed. Once Pam could reach the walker, she let go of Jim's hands and took a leap, or a step, of faith, trusting her legs to carry her for the first time in days. The nurse grabbed her fluid cart, attaching it to the walker so that she could walk while still connected to her IV. The nurse walked ahead of Jim and Pam, holding the door open for them. Pam's steps were slow, and timid, and her bare feet clomped awkwardly on the tile floor, but Jim walked next to her the whole time.

"Pace yourself, Bees. It's a marathon, not a race." Jim whispered to her as she attempted to up her speed through the lobby of her floor. "You're doing great, babe. I love you." Jim whispered as they looped around the nurse's station and back to her room. Pam flopped onto her bed, exhausted but accomplished, and Jim leaned over to kiss her forehead.

"I am _so _proud of you, babe."

"Pam Beesly doesn't stop for no damn kidney cancer," She murmured tiredly, smiling though her eyes were closed.

"Damn right she doesn't," Jim mumbled. A nurse walked in and handed Jim a stack of papers and a pen. "What are these?" He asked, Pam now looking up.

"Those are Pamela's discharge papers." The nurse answered matter-of-factly.

"Beesly!" Jim exclaimed, reaching out for a high five, which Pam excitedly returned.

"Quit smiling at me and fill out those forms so we can go home!"


	9. Chapter 9

The adrenaline pumping through both Jim and Pam was unbelievable as they drove home from the hospital. They kept looking over and beaming at each other like smitten teenagers, holding hands over the center console.

"Oh my gosh, what color is our house? I forget." Pam said, smiling at her fiance and tapping her foot in impatient anticipation as he drove home.

Jim chuckled, obliging her question although he knew she knew the answer.

"Brown with white shutters."

"Right, right. What about the walls in our bedroom?"

"That's a trick question, because you think they're a light purple, and I think they're gray."

"They are most certainly a light lilac, as the person who picked out the paint." Pam teased.

"If you know, then why'd you ask?" Jim asked, taking his eyes off the road to look at her lovingly for a moment. His grin matched hers and she started to giggle. Jim shook his head, though he was chuckling, and redirected his attention to the road in front of him, navigating them home. Once he pulled into their driveway, he opened his door and walked around to help Pam out of the car, scooping her up and carrying her in bridal style.

"Aren't you supposed to do that after we're married?" Pam asked.

"Practice," Jim shrugged, smirking at her, and Pam smiled coyly.

"So, we can make dinner and eat it at the table, or if you're tired we can eat in bed, or we can call for food, or maybe if you're not hungry-" Jim was cut off by Pam crashing her lips into his, throwing her arms around his neck. Jim was surprised, but responded quickly, placing his hands on her waist and deepening the kiss. She pulled away for a moment, and he smiled down at her.

"Not hungry?" He asked, smirking.

"Not exactly," she asked, returning the grin and standing on tiptoe to kiss him again, eventually tugging at the hem of his t-shirt.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You're not exhausted, I'm not going to hurt you?" Jim asked, wanting this as bad as she did, but not wanting to harm her in the process.

"You'll just have to be gentle," She said softly, batting her eyes up at him. Who could say no to that face?

"I can handle that," he smiled, kissing her and then picking her up to carry her to the bedroom, placing her gingerly on the bed. Pam reached out and grasped at his shirt, pulling her closer to him before pulling his shirt off and discarding it completely. Jim moved to return the favor, revealing the porcelain skin of her stomach, and letting his lips graze across her ribcage and around her abdomen.

"Jim," Pam breathed out, and if it wasn't for how close they were, he wouldn't have heard her.

"Yeah?" He looked up at her.

"I love you." She murmured, moving to clasp his hand in hers. He kissed her fingers and continued with his gentle conquest, giving each part of her body the attention and adoration it deserved until she almost couldn't take it.

"Jim," Pam said again, but it was different this time, and Jim understood the nuances of her tone, and took this as his cue to take the next step, though he was just as gentle as he had been before. Once they had finished, he gently laid himself beside her, snuggling close to her body.

"Aren't we supposed to do that after we're married?" Jim asked teasingly, mocking her tone from earlier.

"Practice," she murmured before falling asleep in his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Three weeks after Pam returned from the hospital, she and Jim met with her team of doctors for a follow up. Pam had weaned off of her pain medicine, and, as Jim had predicted, recovered well, her relatively young age helping her body to restore itself to normal. The doctors reviewed her paperwork and talked about her progress.

"Well, , you're recovering better than any of us could've expected, especially given your complications. You should be able to head back to work within the next three weeks. Congratulations." The surgeon told Jim and Pam.

"Thank you, doctor. Are we all set to go now?" Pam asked.

"Just a moment, I believe the primary care doctor has to speak with you for a moment."

Jim and Pam looked at each other quizzically as the surgeon left the small office and the primary care physician entered.

"James, Pamela," the doctor said, sitting behind the desk and flipping through Pam's file. Jim and Pam still looked at each other, confused. "Your blood work and urinalysis all look pretty good as far as the kidneys and cancer go." He told them.

"Well then what seems to be the problem?" Jim asked, not willing to take this anxiety for another second.

"Why, no problem at all, son." The doctor looked up at him. "I just thought you two would like to know that is about three weeks pregnant."

Pam looked at Jim, who was just staring at her incredulously. Pam, however, wasn't jumping the gun to overjoyed.

"And there's no risk for the pregnancy or the baby, what with the cancer?" Pam asked.

"Absolutely not. You are well on your way to a healthy, post-cancer pregnancy."

Now Pam could be excited. She turned to Jim and smiled, a small giggle escaping from her lips as they turned into a large grin.

"Beesly!" Jim exclaimed, leaning over to kiss his fiance briefly

. "Oh, I'm so glad we found out officially together." She said, a bit relieved.

"Officially? You mean you knew?" Jim asked, a bit surprised, but not angry. The doctor, after looking at his beeper, though Pam suspected he was faking, left the room.

"I mean, I hadn't taken a test or anything, but I basically knew. I was gonna ask you to stop at the drugstore on the way home from the hospital so we could know together."

"Beesly! We're having a baby! Like, you're going to be a mom and I'm going to be a dad."

"Yeah," Pam laughed, small tears building at the corners of her eyes.

"Promise me you'll never get mom jeans."

"Promise me you won't tell dad jokes."

"Promise me you'll love me, both of us-" he put a hand on Pam's stomach, which had no visible roundness, but was carrying the most precious thing to either one of them. "Forever."

"Already did, silly." She said, waving her left hand and showing him the engagement ring he had bought a week after they started dating.

"You're gonna be the best Mom in the whole world."

"You're just saying that." Pam giggled.

"Absolutely not."


End file.
